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RPlog:Boldness
At the very least Johanna and Leia had not rematerialized in her room. It had taken Sabrina a good couple of hours to work the agression out from their untimely visit, particularly Johanna's. Her cousin she could pardon, Leia would have known to leave well enough alone, but Joh had just kept pushing and pushing. It's a wonder Sabrina hadn't out right taken a swing at the StarOps Colonel. But no harm no foul right? And with the new day having dawned, or at least that's what the clocks on the Crusader were indicating, Sabrina emerges from her quarters a far sight better than the night before, or at least from the outside. She'd wallowed in her alcohol induced stupor long enough. Sab was never one to give in to childish bouts, even though inside she felt painfully hollow. But she had duties. Always that dutiful drive in her, urging her forward, if slowly this time. She'd cleaned up, changed into fresh attire, cleaned up the mess she'd made of the modest quarters and now finally ventures out, even if it is mid morning. She leans her back against her closed door, giving herself pause. Where was she supposed to go anyway? She had no duties to specifically return to, still in that limbo between leave and active duty. So she ponders that in quiet, thankful that the hall is empty for now, allowing herself another few moments of peace and her eyes close as she considers what to do. Perhaps she'd seek Johanna out and apologize...or she could just stand here for another minute or two. Unaccustomed as she is to alcohol her body was protesting to her in every way possible, and that included the tortured headache she was experiencing even now. Luke had woken relatively early, but despite the fact that he's been awake far too long, he has not yet emerged from the temporary quarters assigned to him whenever he resides on the Crusader. Instead, the Jedi has busied himself with going through Artoo Detoo's monthly maintenance. With a toolkit spread open on the floor beside him, he's opened up virtually every front panel on the droid, inspecting him for any necessary upgrades. It occupies his mind, keeping him from thinking about the night before, and the painful twisting of his heart whenever he thinks about Sabrina. Artoo wheeps a soft comment to his master, and Luke switches tools. "I know. I know," he says to his faithful companion, his expression solemn and sad. "It just can't be helped. It's not meant for me, Artoo. I'm not like Leia." A small spark of electricity zots Luke's hand, and he yelps, giving the astromech a sour look even as Artoo bleats an apology. She couldn't very well stand out in the hall the rest of the afternoon, as much as she'd like to remain rooted to her spot. Grudgingly Sabrina pushes off from the door, making her pace a slow one as she moves on down the corridor designated for senior officers quarters and VIP visitors. No one had told her where the Jedi Master's quarters were, having presumed that he'd stayed aboard the Voidstalker or some such arrangment. Though he'd been on her mind, regardless of how hard she'd tried to drown him out of her thoughts. As she strides past his closed door, the familiar sound of Artoo's beep preceded by Luke's yelp catches her ear and she stops, frozen as though Luke had stepped out right in front of her. Confusion grips her even as she considers knocking on his door or continuing on and fleeing. What would she say to him? "How bout I'm sorry for starters." She mutters to herself, fully convinced that she was in the wrong. But could she face him? Swallowing her pride, she takes the two steps which bring her level to his door and lifts her hand, rapping lightly on the durasteel. Artoo whoops incessantly at the sound of the knocking on Luke's door, and the Jedi sighs, leaning back against his bunk while his droid pivots in a circle and then wheels over toward the door. He bats at the keypad with a formidable claw, but as the portal opens, Luke is struck dumb, staring at the doorway as if expecting a rancor to come diving through its opening. Or worse yet, Sabrina. How did he get himself into this mess, anyway? The look Skywalker gives her is enough to shatter any will she has to remain and it takes all her strength just to hold her ground and not turn around and run as she's half a mind to do. She created this mess, she had to take steps to make amends for it. It was not right for her to have put the Jedi Master on such an unwelcome spot, and if she were to judge by the look of horror she'd just seen cross his face, she'd done quite a bit of damage. She should have just kept her damn mouth shut, and like she'd told Leia, her feelings would have dissipated eventually, naturally. Now she'd put Luke in a situation where she'd expressed to him quite apparently unwanted attention and she had only herself to blame. "Master Luke." She says, struggling to find her voice. She doesn't meet his eyes. She can't for fear that she'd see either anger or pity in those blue depths. "I am sorry to bother you." Without rising from his spot on the floor, Luke stares up at the women silhouetted in the doorway. He swallows hard, gathering courage to at least find the words to address his student. Perhaps they could pretend nothing at all had happened. Yes, that's it. He could go back to being the formidable, untouchable Jedi Master, and she could be his apprentice. No damage done. "You're... not bothering me," he says after a moment, as Artoo Detoo comes gliding back to his side and collecting the tools back into the kit. "What's up?" Exactly how was she supposed to word this apology? Sabrina curses herself silently for not having thought this through. 'I'm sorry I have fallen for you' didn't quite seem to fit the bill for this situation, although the words would have been true enough, at least, her remorse for having caused this akward and painful situation. Whatever her chosen words will be she couldn't well enough stay halfway in the hall and she moves forward, letting the door close behind her with a quiet swoosh. Her gaze travels to the little droid, offering him a soft but sad smile before she clears her throat. "I am sorry if I was out of line, Master." Her tone is somewhat formal, struggling to keep from slipping into that familiar comfort which she'd found herself easily enjoying around him. "You... don't have to say anything," Luke says, pulling a bent knee against his chest and gazing up at Sabrina with an admittedly forlorn expression. "There's no need to apology. We all... fool ourselves, sometimes. It's my fault, for allowing it to happen. I shouldn't have done that to you." A corner of his mouth quirks upward and he shrugs half-heartedly. "I imagine we'll both feel better once we're out getting something accomplished. Don't you think?" Sabrina catches his gaze, eyes reflecting a sad torture which she quickly averts. "Yes of course." She says unable to keep some of the hurt from underlying itself to her words. "But you didn't do anything, Master. Nor is it your fault. I was just deluded enough for a moment to..." ...think she saw something in those blue eyes? That Leia's well meaning advice might actually help the situation. "Forget my place. I am sorry I put you into that situation. I imagine the last thing you expected was to put up with my.." She catches herself letting her words get away from her again and clears her throat. "Yes, you are probably right. Which, reminds me." She pulls a datapad from her belt and steps forward, offering it to him. "The information that was decrypted from Artoo's tap into the computer at the outpost. Not much there that's useful, but it might provide a lead." Finally, Luke rises to his feet and approaches her, glancing down at the datapad in her hands. "A lead?" he questions, brows furrowing. It was better than nothing, considering all they'd risked. "Hey, Sabrina." This close, he glances to her with a rueful expression, her profile filling his gaze. "Look, it's just not meant for me, okay? It's not your fault. I'm... not like other men. You should have considered staying with Brandis. He could have made you happy. You deserve that." He reaches toward the datapad, fingers punching at the controls as he deciphers the displayed information. Sabrina stands there dumbfounded, staring back at Luke with little more than a blank look. The datapad leaves her fingers but her arm remains perched in the air until she willfully lets it fall back to her side. Why of all the insensitive, mindless things to say! Who the hell was he to decide what might or might not make her happy? Wasn't that for her to determine? Apologetic mindset out the door, she bristles. "No you certainly aren't like other men." She says roughly. "And I thank you that you feel compelled to dictate what can offer me happiness." His expression falling, Luke takes a step back, the fight out of him; this was not a battle he wished to win. He lifts a hand, waving her away. "That came out wrong. But it's the truth. Don't... don't ask it of me, Sabrina." He sinks onto the edge of his bunk, burying his face in his hands, unable to meet her eyes this time. "I wasn't dictating. I was only suggesting... because I can't give you what you want. I don't even know why... why you want..." He trails off, his voice cracking, blue eyes squeezing tightly shut. She was making a mess of things again and Sabrina exhales sharply, but she can't help but be compelled by his self depreciating plea. Rise of ire quickly gone, she steps towards the Jedi Master and drops to a crouch in front of him, searching his face, hidden as it is behind his hands. She's driven by instinct now, despite herself and she reaches for his hand, attempting to pull it away from his face. Why she was ever so damned curious she couldn't explain. It had driven her to recklessness in her youth, and now, beyond a line she shouldn't be crossing. "Don't you?" She queries, her voice soft. "I am so sorry...but even if I can't expect you to reciprocate, I can't help what I feel." Certainly Sabrina, make things worse. She'd be lucky if he ever spoke to her again after this. Reluctantly, he allows his hand to be drawn away, revealing a stricken, heartbroken face that he swiftly turns away from her. "But you shouldn't," he rasps. "You deserve better. I'm... I'm bound by so much responsibility... you're my student...." His shoulders rise and fall in a heavy sigh as Luke glances toward her soft eyes, his other hand falling away to touch her face in a gentle caress. "I can't help what I am." "Better?" Sabrina reflects, brows furrowing slightly. "Luke it is what you are that compels me. Who you are." Her head shakes with slight disbelief. "Don't condemn yourself to a life of solitude. If not me, I...I understand. I never expected you to feel anything for me in return. You are right, I am your student, and I have no right what so ever to ask you for anything more than your mentoring. But it hurts me just the same to see you hold yourself in so different a light as any one else. You're no less deserving of companionship...love." Her jaw tenses and she looks down, focusing on his dark shirt. "And there I go interjecting myself where I don't belong." Dumbstruck, Luke stares at her face, his own expression wrought with confusion. Yet, his thumb grazes back and forth over the velvety softness of her cheek. "No matter what I feel, or what I want... I have to fulfill my duty," he whispers, shaking his head. "If anyone else knew... it would be wrong, Sabrina. You deserve more than that. Do you understand?" "No, no I don't." Sabrina says truthfully, not able to follow his reasoning and refusing to acknowledge the sensation and emotion which his touch on her cheek is riling in her. "And what duty is that, Master?" She asks, trying her best to understand him, understand what drives him to push her away. "Duty to suffer in lonliness while the galaxy goes on around you?" "My duty to train you and the others," Luke says more forcefully, his fingers sliding across her cheek to cradle the back of her head. "This is a dangerous time for you. When you should be focusing on your training, and learning the ways of the Force. Not fretting over capricious emotions... I want you to succeed and grow strong. I don't want to hold you back." She's reminded again, in Luke's unwavering sense of duty that she's crossing the line. Sabrina's brow furrows, and she grants herself a brief flicker of fulfillment, leaning her face into his hand, eyes closing. Of course he was right. He had to be, no matter what her feelings on the matter might be. She was a creature of duty herself, bound by the ties which she had bound herself with to the New Republic, and now the Jedi Order. That she'd been weak enough to let herself get so carried away to the point of intruding so unforgivingly on the Jedi Master, was something she'd take herself to task over, later, in her own solitary thoughts. Capricious emotions, of course. That's what it was, wasn't it? She'd told Leia something along those lines. A silly school girl crush? Even if it were more, if her feelings for Skywalker were more deeply rooted than that, he had made it very clear to her it was something that could never be. Why was she insisting on dragging this out? It's not possible he had told her. Steeling her resolve she opens her eyes, mingled feelings of hurt and regret in those violet hues. "I...won't bring this up again. Please forgive my lapse in judgment." Lifting his other hand, the Jedi cradles her other cheek, smiling at her with his own expression of regret as he looks into her eyes. "I... I am flattered. Don't misinterpret me," Luke whispers, leaning forward until his forehead rests against hers. "I wish there was a way." He breathes out a long sigh, touching her chin and lifting it so that he can look search her gaze more deeply, then his own eyes slide shut, his mouth only a breath from hers. It's a sweet torture, his nearness, so much so that she shivers. "Don't do this to me." Sabrina whispers, trying ever so hard to keep her mind straight. Damn the man for his intoxicating presence. How much more damage was she going to be tempted to inflict? If she gave in to that temptation, that entices her to press her advantage, what then? But it's not the same as bringing up the subject. And she did mean that in the future she wouldn't bring it up again, right? Conflicted and confused by his mixed signals Sabrina can do little more than remain balanced where she half sits. His words relayed one thing but this...this..this sudden nearness. It was enough to compel her to insanity. Certainly no sane woman could sustain this and survive. His words trickle in through her whirlwind of thoughts /I wish there was a way/ and she half smiles. "Where there's a will..." she comments. But even as she's whispering the words, she's acting without thinking, closing that breath of distance to kiss him, to hell with the consequences. Even as Luke regrets the proximity and a warning blares through his mind to draw away, he finds himself frozen in time by the feel of soft lips against his mouth. For longer than he intended, he gives into the embrace, pulling her nearer and savoring the moment. But it is too cruel, for both of them, and as soon as he comes to his senses, Luke pushes back and catches his breath, staring at her and shaking his head before he begins to stand and paces as far away from her as he can in the small room. "I'm sorry," he murmurs, bending his head. "I truly am." Sabrina stands, shaken. She nods numbly, grasping to find a shred of sense to anchor her in what should be reality. Opening her mouth to speak nothing comes forward, attempting several times before she's finally successful. "As am I." She says simply, soberly. Artoo's questioning beep causes her to jump slightly, having forgotten the droid's presence in the room. Her mind is reeling, euphoric and tortured, and she searches for something to cling to. The droid's well timed warble serves to remind her of the datapad now forgotten on the edge of the bed and she grabs for it, shifting herself into the role of student once again. The only reminder of what had just transpired, the brilliant red on her cheeks and the slow labor of her breathing. "We... we will talk later," says the Jedi without facing her, his hand covering his face so that the words come out muffled and quiet. The little astromech wheeps a sympathetic noise for them both, rocking back and forth on his thick legs. "I.. just want to be alone for a little while." "I understand." Sabrina replies woefully, turning to walk away. She pauses only to leave the datapad on the small table in the room, patting Artoo's dome lightly. The door's sensor picking up her approach and it opens for her, giving her no other reason to pause. Within an instant she's gone, and the door slides shut, closing the room off to the rest of the Crusader once more. Sabrina leans one hand against the bulkhead to steady herself. She'd certainly made a fine mess of things. Swallowing hard, she forces herself forward, heavy steps carrying her through the hall and towards the lift. She needed to get away, if but for a day. There was the matter of finding the missing General Solo which required her committment now, and she'd vowed to Leia she would help bring him home safe, but for now, she needed her solitude as well.